tHE aRSENAL

Today a small yet vital football stadium, The Arsenal, moved in beside me. I plodded over to the window:

'nu...nu...nuffink'

'Wot?'

'nuffink!'

'Hold on I've got it: if you take the 3rd of the month, multiplied by 22, you get: instant coffee for half the present price!'

The crowd roared. I knew it was a devilishly good idea, but simply hadn't expected that kind of appreciation.

Later I cut out letters from the Telegraph and stuck them onto my door. 'Deep Thought' it read in black and bold lettering. (But little did they know that I was in there with 50 nixies or a zillion tinnies or, even, doing absolutely bugger-all-squared - even.)